Five Paragraph Essay On Time Management

This post is written by NCTE member Kim Zarins. 

[Disclaimer: I don’t have a PhD in composition studies. My PhD is in English with a focus on medieval literature. Besides teaching college literature courses, I write creatively, and my debut young adult novel comes out in September. I am joining the debate on the five-paragraph essay in response to Kathleen Rowlands’ smart “Slay the Monster” journal article, because I think high school and college teachers can work together and set up our students for success—and the five-paragraph essay is setting them up for a really tough time in college. Students don’t find their voices this way and come to college hating how they sound in writing, particularly in the essay form.

As a high-school survivor of this form and now a teacher occasionally receiving it from students trying their best, I have to say I hate this abomination. I hate it so much, I decided to be naughty and condemn the five-paragraph essay in a five-paragraph essay. Here you go. Enjoy. Or not.]

From the dawn of time, or at least the dawn of the modern high school, the five-paragraph essay has been utilized in high school classrooms. Despite this long tradition, the five-paragraph essay is fatally flawed. It cheapens a student’s thesis, essay flow and structure, and voice.

First, the five-paragraph essay constricts an argument beyond usefulness or interest. In principle it reminds one of a three-partitioned dinner plate. The primary virtue of such dinner plates is that they are conveniently discarded after only one use, much like the essays themselves. The secondary virtue is to keep different foods from touching each other, like the three-body paragraphs. However, when eating from a partitioned plate, a diner might have a bite of burger, then a spoonful of baked beans, then back to the burger, and then the macaroni salad. The palate satisfies its complex needs for texture, taste, choice, and proportion. Not so for the consumers of the five-paragraph essay, who must move through Point 1, then Point 2, and then Point 3. No exceptions. It is arbitrary force-feeding to the point of indigestion. After the body paragraphs, and if readers have not already expired, they may read the Conclusion, which is actually a summary of the Introduction. There is no sense of building one’s argument or of proportion.

Second, critical thinking skills and the organization of the essay’s flow are impaired when a form must be plugged and filled with rows of stunted seeds that will never germinate. If we return to the partitioned-plate analogy, foods are separated, but in food, there is a play in blending flavors, pairing them so that the sum is greater than the individual parts. Also, there is typically dessert. Most people like dessert and anticipate it eagerly. In the five-paragraph essay there is no anticipation, only homogeneity, tedium, and death. Each bite is not food for thought but another dose of the same. It is like Miss Trunchbull in the Roald Dahl novel,  forcing the little boy to eat chocolate cake until he bursts—with the exception that no one on this planet would mistake the five-paragraph essay for chocolate cake. I only reference the scene’s reluctant, miserable consumption past all joy or desire.

Third, the five-paragraph form flattens a writer’s voice more than a bully’s fist flattens an otherwise perky, loveable face. Even the most gifted writer cannot sound witty in a five-paragraph essay, which makes one wonder why experts assign novice writers this task. High school students suffer to learn this form, only to be sternly reprimanded by college professors who insist that writers actually say something. Confidence is shattered, and students can’t articulate a position, having only the training of the five-paragraph essay dulling their critical reasoning skills. Moreover, unlike Midas whose touch turns everything to gold, everything the five-paragraph essay touches turns to lead. A five-paragraph essay is like a string of beads with no differentiation, such as a factory, rather than an individual, might produce.  No matter how wondrous the material, the writer of a five-paragraph essay will sound reductive, dry, and unimaginative. Reading over their own work, these writers will wonder why they ever bothered with the written word to begin with, when they sound so inhuman. A human’s voice is not slotted into bins of seven to eleven sentences apiece. A human voice meanders—but meaning guides the meandering. Voice leans and wends and backtracks. It does not scoop blobs of foodstuff in endless rows. If Oliver Twist were confronted with such blobs of written porridge, he would not ask for more.

In conclusion, the five-paragraph essay is an effective way to remove all color and joy from this earth. It would be better to eat a flavorless dinner from a partitioned plate than to read or write a five-paragraph essay. It would be better to cut one’s toenails, because at least the repetitive task of clipping toenails results in feet more comfortably suited to sneakers, allowing for greater movement in this world. The five-paragraph essay, by contrast, cuts all mirth and merit and motion from ideas until there is nothing to stand upon at all, leaving reader and writer alike flat on their faces. Such an essay form is the very three-partitioned tombstone of human reason and imagination.

Kim Zarins is a medievalist and an Associate Professor of English at the California State University at Sacramento. Her debut young adult novel, Sometimes We Tell the Truth (Simon & Schuster/Simon Pulse, pub date Sept 6), retells Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales with modern American teens traveling to Washington D.C. Find her on Twitter @KimZarins.

descriptive essay topic ideas ThoughtCo.

Any difficulties of essays Time management tips Sample five paragraph essay Education Time management tips Sample five paragraph essay Education.

Surprising Facts About Teens and Time Management Method Test Prep BIT Journal If You Teach or Write Paragraph Essays Stop It The White oyulaw If You Teach or Write Paragraph Essays Stop It The White oyulaw.

Best images about Paragraph Essay on Pinterest Essay topics IQ Matrix Blog.

Time management skills resume examples Homework help for .

five paragraph essay writing help paragraph essay Arclight Trading.

essay paragraph Millicent Rogers Museum essay paragraph Millicent Rogers Museum.

paragraph essay about summer.

Time management tips Sample five paragraph essay Education Time management tips Sample five paragraph essay Education.

Brainstorming form for the paragraph essay Use this page to help me write descriptive essay on brexit Tony Blair s call to rise up against Brexit.

This outline can be used for a variety of five paragraph essays I ve found it s particularly helpful with students who have a difficult time understanding Diamond Geo Engineering Services.

essays on people essays on pets a for and against essay about the .

introductory essay paragraph TimeCamp Time Management A Good Five Paragraph Essay Example.

Essay Introduction Write a Thesis and Capture Your Audience.

Value of time management essay.

Motivational Speeches About Time Management TimeCamp.

Further Principles of Good Time Management.

Surprising Facts About Teens and Time Management Method Test Prep IQ Matrix Blog essay database database essay.

Management of time essay topics Design Synthesis essay rubric maker help.

Classroom management as time management Carpinteria Rural Friedrich descriptive essay topic ideas.

argument research paper outline.

paragraph essay graphic organizer free essay writing tips uk www gxart orgessay writing time management tips when writing an essaysearching for.

essay time management Diamond Geo Engineering Services.

Essays on time management Essay is a Process .

Divorce research paper outline Aaaaeroincus Picturesque Architecture Resume Examples Isabelle Lancray Example Resume Professional Experience And Education For Property Management.

kite runner essay questions Course Hero importance of time management .

example of paragraph essay CrossFit Bozeman descriptive essay topic ideas.

Time management writing essays doc time management essays Personal Statement essay on human rights violations Free BIT Journal.

Help writing a five paragraph essay Buy essay online safe Ssays for sale Persuasive Essay Graphic Organizer th Grade persuasive essay lbartman com Persuasive Essay Graphic Organizer th Grade.

good introduction descriptive essay CrossFit Bozeman .

How to Write a Paragraph Essay Outline Example Rubric EssayPro Five Paragraph Essay Outline Diamond Geo Engineering Services.

time management essays About Essay Example Should Students Get Paid For Good Grades how to outline an essay FAMU Online Example Body Paragraph.

How to Manage Your Time and Boost Your Productivity University of Kent.

Essays on time management BIT Journal The worry list blue october video how to demonstrate time.

Time management writing essays doc time management essays Personal Statement essay on human rights violations Free.

DSC JPG About Essay Example The Crucible Essay On John Proctor Success Management of time essay topics Poetical essay on the existing state of things pdf writer.

Time Management Essays Various.

Importance of Time Time Management cizmedecauciuc info.

paragraph essay about summer BIT Journal.

paragraphs essay arvonderlohe how to write a paragraph essay Time Management Essays Conclusion Essay Essay Time Management Essay In Tamil Language Punishment For Ual.

College Essays For Money Essay On My Grandparents For Class .

on time essay essay on the time management publish your articles BIT Journal.

importance of time management essay importance of time management .

paragraph essay about summer.

Five paragraph essay on time management Term paper Service.

Best Revise My Essay Services Essay Revision time management Central America Internet Ltd .

importance of time management essay www gxart orgbad time management in the workplace what is the wikiHow.

Best Revise My Essay Services Essay Revision time management Essay intro paragraph our work nmctoastmasters Paragraph Essay Template Paragraph Essay Template Freeology Free Transition In.

Sample paragraph opinion essay BIT Journal.

paragraph essay about summer Diamond Geo Engineering Services.

essay time management TeacherVision.

Free time management Essays and Papers helpme Arclight Trading.

paragraph essay help help writing dissertation proposal steps paragraph essays biartasweb.

paragraph essay graphic organizer free Study com.

Composition .

example of paragraph essay Paragraph Essay Outline Worksheet.

Writing essay outline Scheduling Requests .

topics for paragraph essay paragraph essay topics siol ip BIT Journal Effective Time Management Tips To Maximize Your Productivity.

The Writing Process How Do I Begin Central America Internet Ltd .

Writing five paragraph essay Essay intro paragraph our work nmctoastmasters Paragraph Essay Template Paragraph Essay Template Freeology Free Transition In.

time management essays Image titled Write an Essay in Under Minutes Step .

Best ideas about Time Management Skills on Pinterest Master This outline can be used for a variety of five paragraph essays I ve.

Waqt Ki Pabandi Quotes Daily Quotes.

College Essays For Money Essay On My Grandparents For Class Pinterest.

topics for paragraph essay paragraph essay topics siol ip ESL Energiespeicherl sungen.

paragraph essay graphic organizer free page essay help best professional resume writing services page essay help.

Best Revise My Essay Services Essay Revision time management .

essay database database essay Central America Internet Ltd .

Opinion Writing This opinion writing unit will guide students through writing a five paragraph essay Students will state their opinions about an activity Voluntary Action Orkney.

How to Write a Five Paragraph Essay .

Time Management Essay environment thesis shareyouressays homeip net cizmedecauciuc info.

Best Revise My Essay Services Essay Revision time management This outline can be used for a variety of five paragraph essays I ve found it s particularly helpful with students who have a difficult time understanding .

paragraph essay powerpoint kids Personal Experience Essay .

paragraph essay powerpoint kids Personal Experience Essay muchimdns .

topics for paragraph essay paragraph essay topics siol ip Supporting student time management Case studies .

Best Time Management Quotes.

Time management writing essays doc time management essays Personal Statement essay on human rights violations Free.

paragraph essay about summer Lifehack Opinion Writing This opinion writing unit will guide students through writing a five paragraph essay Students will state their opinions about an activity .

Argumentative research paper english essay topics for school students CBA pl cause and effect divorce essay Petra December research paper on divorce jpg.

essays on people essays on pets a for and against essay about the Help writing an essay please AFR FAMU Online five paragraph essay example college.

Exercise Diamond Geo Engineering Services.

on time essay essay on the time management publish your articles paragraph essay worksheet date paragraph essay structure schoolrack.

Management of time essay topics Five paragraph essay on time management.

paragraph essay graphic organizer free.

value of time essay value of time essay management essay topics.

steps writing paragraph essay Argumentative Essay Technology In The Classroom Free Essays Essay On The Time Management Teodor Ilincai.

paragraph essay worksheet date paragraph essay structure schoolrack cizmedecauciuc info.

essay database database essay.

Time Management A Good Five Paragraph Essay Example Essay On The Time Management Publish Your Articles Essay On The Time Management Publish Your Articles.

Time management case study Time Management Case Studies Two .

Time Management Essay.

lou malnatis pie goodfoodstories jpg A few years back I wrote a few short essays on time management Maybe.

Opinion Writing This opinion writing unit will guide students through writing a five paragraph essay Students will state their opinions about an activity dsipfjmdns.

disadvantages of group work essay liberty essay arambol beach experience essay inevitability of death essay research paper on time management pdf .

importance of time management essay www gxart orgbad time management in the workplace what is the.

Writing essay Best professional resume writing services houston oyulaw Sample Five Paragraph Essay Page Ridgemoor Elementary Pinterest.

hard working essay resume essay example sample letter service .

Brainstorming form for the paragraph essay Use this page to begin shaping the thesis Voluntary Action Orkney.

essay paragraph paragraph essay outline blank journal five BIT Journal.

persuasive essay organizer doc Central America Internet Ltd .

Related post for Five paragraph essay on time management

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *